Tag Archives: happiness

Lesson #8:

Happiness is not yellow, it’s blue

For more information: Reach out to Jackie Dawson at Totem Butterfly at http://www.totembutterfly.com

I feel that most people think about happiness as a feeling that is burst out of your chest, where your cheeks hurt from smiling so much and you feel so carefree. The feeling like you could walk on water and fly. It is effortless and easy. Even though the smiley faces we have become so familiar with are yellow, I have learned that happiness is actually blue. I want to challenge this way of thinking because I think it is creating an unrealistic expectation for happiness. I have been through a lot of pain in my life time, and I am sure I am not alone. Maybe you have gone through some pain yourself and feel like you are never going to get to that bright yellow smiley face again.

Last summer, I lied in the hammock as my husband, daughter and our dog played in the kiddie pool on a hot day. I looked at my family in front of me and felt so grateful. So grateful for the heat of the sun on my face, the laughter of my family in the background, the cool breeze rocking back and forth on the hammock brought and for the house that stood for all of the hours we sacrificed for this moment. I closed my eyes and just tried my best to take a mental picture and never wanting to forget this feeling. I was happy. Not in a burst out of my chest, felt like I could fly sort of way, but in an intense amount of peace that I felt in the moment. I realized that happiness is not yellow, it’s blue. It is the calming peace that consumes you. I think if we have a more realistic view of happiness, the pressure on chasing after the yellow smiley face is a lot more obtainable.

When we connect happiness with a feeling of gratitude it becomes a choice which can be scary for many people. Sometimes we associate happiness with something that happens TO us rather than something WE cultivate within ourselves. That means that if we are unhappy we have to confront an uncomfortable part of ourselves. If you turn on the television or listen to the radio, all too often we are consumed that happiness is a certain tax bracket or social status, when it is those people that are hurting the most. Last year I felt like I was on a bicycle headed down hill and I had lost control of the pedals. Do you remember the overwhelming panic that you feel and just have to hold on? It sounds cliché, but I really felt like I had no control on what was going on in my life and had a very “what else can happen” attitude.

In October I decided to participate in my friend Jackie Dawson’, Totem Butterfly 10 days of gratitude. In this, she had us fill out what would seem to be a daily journal of questions about ourselves, our fears, and finally listing things we were grateful for that day. I did a lot of self growth in that month. At first my gratitude’s would be very broad like “I’m grateful for my husband, my daughter, my dog, my job and my car.” Honestly, at first it felt forced to look around and find anything in my life I was grateful for. After doing this daily for a month, I found myself writing things like “I am grateful for my dining room table that has hosted many holidays, coloring projects, financial planning and arguments that lead to forgiveness.” The gratitude journals were not something we had to share with Jackie, if we didn’t want to but just getting in the habit of seeing the world through a different lens, lead to so much happiness.

When you think of your “happy place” where do you think of? Most people I have asked this say something to the effect of near the water or someplace outdoors. I think if you would have asked me 5 years ago I would have said the same thing. I love being on the water and always have. I have such an appreciation for the power of the waves, and the beauty of a calm day. Leave where your “happy place” is below! If you’re interested in transforming your soul and taking the first step to happiness through gratitude, check out Totem Butterfly. This isn’t a sponsorship, I just really loved how this transformed the way I saw my life.

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Lesson #6:

Comparison is the thief of Joy

I am writing this blog post, because this has been on my heart this weekend. It’s undeniable that we compare our love life, career path and financial status to people every single day. In a world of social media, how can you not? I want to write this to my husband who struggled with this recently. He had read on social media that a few of his friends were going out to a local brewery and my husband was not one of the men invited. As he told me about the get together that was going on, I could see that it bothered him. It really bothered him. We took a shower together, and the entire time he kept asking me “when did I become unfun?” My husband is a lot of fun, and he knows how to make even the most mundane tasks a party, so I know this is not the case. I told him that maybe they assumed he would say no? Maybe they had all planned this when he wasn’t around? But I could tell that it still bothered him. He started comparing where he was in life to his friends and it stole his joy. He spent the remainder of the night and into the next day really hung up on it. No matter how much I tried to talk him out of this comparison, it seemed to sink him farther and farther into self-doubt. I know he would not change our life for anything in the world and I also know that he loves our daughter, but when we see our friends going out and partying without us – it can hurt, right? There have been other times in our marriage where he compared our apartment, car, job title etc. to his friends and somehow felt less than or feeling pity for himself.

When I worked in the Gulf, I used to get these “envy bugs” occasionally. We would get a big bonus at work and I would see photos on social media of people’s side by sides and extravagant vacations meanwhile I was using these big bonuses to pay off our student loans. It felt like I wasn’t “adulting” correctly and I remember calling up my husband and telling him how I was feeling. He would remind me that we had a common goal that we were working on and that we don’t know what other people’s living situations are. We can only control our own and focusing on our future. He was absolutely right and I would get over myself. When the downturn of the oilfield came, I saw a lot of pain from those same people who I thought were living the best life. See, people only show you what they want you to see so when you compare yourself to someone’s filtered self you aren’t getting an accurate representation of the pain they are pushing through. I do not write these Life Lessons as a showcase of how perfect my life is, and in fact I want it to be very much the opposite. I want it to be a warning to anyone who is reading of lessons I have learned the hard way. My life is not perfect and that’s why I write this, in fact my life is all sorts of chaos which is why I feel like I am even more qualified to write.

On Sunday’s we spend a meal with my in-laws traditionally and this weekend we got BBQ at a local restaurant for lunch. My daughter is 1 year old and has no concept of personal space and is innocently curious; there was a little girl, named Charlotte, at the restaurant just a few months older than my daughter that she decided she wanted to play with. They played in that restaurant for the better part of 30 minutes until I had to (quite literally) drag her out. Charlotte’s parents gave me their business cards (why had I not thought of that before!) and said if we wanted to have a play date to contact them. We went out to ice cream later and there was another little girl there around my daughter’s age. My daughter approached this little girl who wanted nothing to do with her. The little girl just stared at my daughter and my daughter tried to be silly and tried to sit next to her. It did not hurt her feelings to not have the little girl run around with her, she returned to our table without a care in the world. She did not see herself as inadequate just because someone else did not want to play.

I want you to know that I see how strong you are handling the burden that you are going through. You are so loved and cherished that I hope you do not let any comparison steal your joy today. I hope you remain authentic to your struggle and your story and share it with those who need to know they are not alone.  I hope you know deep down of who you are and are steadfast in your worth.