I recently had a moment with my three year old daughter that I hope to remember for the rest of my life. We were outside and she was playing with our family dog, kicking a ball back and forth. It looked like fun, so I went over and kicked the ball as well. To my surprise, she was very unhappy with this and laid on the ground kicking and crying.

As a parent, you know your children. I would classify my parenting style as being very intentional with my words and actions. When I saw her lying on the ground, I was in disbelief and my first reaction was to get mad, but when you are dealing with someone being emotional nothing productive comes out of being angry. I walked inside and told her when she had worked through her feelings, I wanted to speak to her inside.

She came in the house a few minutes later, still upset and angry. Arms folded, she walked into the dining room where I was sitting. “Are you ready to talk about why you were so upset outside?” I asked her as my tiny human glared at me across the room. “I didn’t want you to kick the ball. I was playing with it.” she quickly responded as if prepared. “This isn’t like you to lay on the ground and kick and cry. Who does that?” She was surprised with this answer and thought about it for a moment. “Well, Cash does it at school when he wants something.” “What happens when he does it” I asked her intently. “He gets what he wants.”

I had an epiphany.

She was perceiving an action, processing it in her head and then proceeded to copy that action expecting the same outcome. Oh sweet child.

I asked her to sit on my lap and I put her cheeks in my hand. “I don’t want Cash in this family, I want you. You don’t do those sorts of things. You use your words when you are frustrated or upset.” She started to cry and hugged me. “You are enough” I reminded her as I squeezed her little body as hard as I could. “I’m so sorry I did that mama. It’s all my fault.”

It hit me. As people, we are conditioned to acclimate to our surroundings. As a young child, she is exposed to different personalities, different family dynamics and different expectations between daycare, home, church and relative’s homes. Have you ever been in a situation where you spend enough time with someone you start to pick up their sayings? How about when you listen to someone speak and read an email or text message from them, can you hear them say it in your head?

My daughter is still figuring out her voice. I think as someone who loves her, it is important that I play a role in reminding her of who she is when she forgets. I think it’s important that I try to understand where this change in personality is coming from, rather than to jump to frustration or anger. I think it’s important to also remember that while this was a scenario between me and my daughter, adults that I encounter every day are working through the same struggle.