“I am God’s favorite”
Lesson #2 I spoke briefly about my “intentional parenting” that my husband and I actively practice with our daughter. I am in no way a professional, nor do I have 100 children to test these theories out on, but I can just tell you what we have learned (through trial and error) with our daughter. All of this stems really from my desire to create a positive inner voice and rock solid self-esteem. Recently, my brother decided that he would quit his job and move to Hawaii on nothing but a dream. When I asked him if he was scared, he simply replied, “Why should I be? I am God’s favorite.” I laughed at his response and then later on in the car it bugged me how I could not get this amazing sense of arrogance and self-love out of my head. My brother has a big personality and his filter is seldom engaged to his mouth, so I know what he said, hereally meant. Religion aside, I started thinking about how I want my daughter to adapt this sort of mentality. If someone says something nasty to her, I hope she is able to look at that situation with the same arrogance and self-love that my brother has.
I wish I could emphasize how badly we wanted a daughter; we prayed for her and spoke about her like I was already pregnant. What would she look like? What kind of personality would she have? Maybe it was my hormones, but my joy quickly became fear. Instead of questioning what she would be like, I quickly began to think of all of the terrible things myself or female friends of mine had experienced and I started thinking “how can I protect her from…” If you think like that, you are bound to go crazy which I found out the hard way. I focused on what I wanted her to know about herself, how we would create the little voice inside of her head that would guide her through her life.The interesting parallel is that once you know who you are, no bully or difficult situation can defeat you. Meaning that many times in our life we get to the point of defeat and second guess who we are. Maybe we didn’t get that promotion or job offer and we start second guessing if we’re really qualified. Maybe we get called fat and we start to think that every time someone looks at us that’s all they see. Maybe our boyfriend just broke up with us and we’re not sure if we’re valued or capable of being loved. Whatever it may be, I want my daughter to be able to look in the mirror and seeexactlywhat I see: a big, smart, strong, silly little girl who is independent and brave. So, below are the things my husband and I talked about when we started our “intentional parenting” journey with our daughter.
“You are big, smart, strong and silly.”
In my life, I have seen little girls called beautiful, cute, pretty a dozen times over and the effect that it had on them. Now, I think my daughter is one of the most adorable little ladies I have ever seen, but if you find affirmations in things that change then your self-esteem is based on something unstable. You will go through puberty and have acne, you will gain weight, you will lose weight, you will get wrinkles and stretchmarks and go through awkward periods of your life. What does not change and what I want my daughter to build her stability on is that she is big, smart, strong and silly. We do hand motions when we tell her each of these things just so she hears it and sees it and can be remembered easier. And my love, if someday you read these blog posts just know that you will be a grown woman and I will do those motions of big, smart, strong and silly to embarrass and remind me until you remember. Don’t tell me to stop, because I am not going to.
When she puts together a Lego set or helps me with dinner and is covered in flour, as much as I want to tell her how beautiful she is and how much I love the dimples in her cheeks – we tell her how smart she is and how she learned how to (fill in the blank!). This is not to say that we don’t tell our daughter she is beautiful, because I can already hear the army of angry people in my head, but we never let the “cute” or “adorable” outweigh the big, smart, strong and silly comments.In Lesson #1 we talked about the five love languages and to an extent this applies to those affirmations. When you tell your spouse how smart they are for doing the family’s taxes or how considerate they are for fixing something around the house all of a sudden those affirmations become their own positive inner voice. I have spent years telling my husband how amazing his hugs are (seriously – you’re missing out) and now he will arrogantly tell me, to come get one of his hugs. I don’t say arrogance in a bad way, just that he has so much self-love that he knows.
If you have a child, what sorts of inner voice affirmations do you hope to instill in your child? If you do not, what inner voice affirmations do you wish you were told as a child?